I'm a life-serving prisoner and for years I have been trying to escape. I have tried numerous cell hobbies which promptly ended up discarded in the corner of the cell as so much rubbish. Due to depression, most of the time I've been unwashed, unshaven, teeth not cleaned, hair not combed, as often as not my cell has been dirty and stinking. I've had no possessions, nobody to love me, just hanging onto a futile, empty and miserable existence.

Every night I've asked God to have mercy on me and not to make me endure another day. I've wept and I asked why I was in this world, I am good for nothing, no money, no family and with no-one I could go to for help. I just couldn't understand why I should go on living. Then something happened to me.

I was lying in my cell one evening when a bloke came in and asked if I can help him. I didn't know the fella, but he had helped me with cigarettes and cigarette papers and teabags. He explained how he'd broken his glasses and needed to finish a pattern he was sewing for the in-cell charity course. Although I class myself as being very butch and sewing so very feminine, I figured I owed him, so I agreed to help him finish his work. He showed me what it was I had to do, I made him promise not to tell anybody and I hid I in a cupboard in my cell. About nine o'clock I got it out and started sewing. Before I knew where I was they started unlocking us for breakfast, a whole night had come and gone with no thoughts of suicide, and no tears of melancholy.

I promptly joined the class as it offered me the escape I'd been looking for. Talk about surprise when I found out they were wanting to pay me for the finished article. I've bought a weight-lifting belt, a radio, and I'm currently saving to buy a tracksuit set and trainers. I am at present sewing a mat 6 feet long and 3 feet wide and they are going to give me £120 on completion. The hope, the self-respect and pride. I am no longer dirty and smelly, I'm quite respectable, my self-worth has been restored and I feel extremely good at the thought that I am helping someone else as well as myself.

How good it is to be alive, to feel that I am accomplishing something and my life has real meaning. Nobody really enjoys an aimless life, a life without purpose, do they? Around the world millions of people are working hard and trying to find happiness in living.

I still get depressed but nothing to cry about, thank-you charity. Previous Letter Next Letter